I know there’s a lot of people who are struggling in their marriages, and that’s so important because marriage and family are the front-line battleground. The enemy brings it to us here, because marriage and family is THE God-designed vehicle for passing down faith and grace from one generation to the next. (Side-note-News-flash for some: this transference is OUR job, not the pastor or Sunday school teacher’s).
So why are there so many gaps in our wall that the enemy can march right in and bring the battle smack into our living room and bedroom? I believe the answer is found in James 4; [Jas 4:1 NKJV] 1 Where do wars and fights [come] from among you? Do [they] not [come] from your [desires for] pleasure that war in your members? In other words, ** selfishness **. Far too many people get married because they’re looking to fill a God-sized love-hole with another human being, and no human is that vast. Then disappointment, disillusionment, blaming, cheating, and all kinds of selfishness sets in; and that’s really hard to recover from once it’s begun to grow.
So what’s the solution if we want FRUIT (love, etc) in our marriages instead of disappointment, strife, and cheating? Fruit only comes from one place, and it’s not the self. Jesus is the Tree of Life, and His fruit satisfies to the moon and back. His life and fruit makes things better and better over time, like aging good wine. Well, if I’m a believer and this fruitfulness isn’t happening, then what’s the problem. I may be a believer, but still living from my flesh and self instead of the Spirit; which produces death and rot. Fruit doesn’t lie. *** Look at your fruit and be honest with yourself. ***
[Mat 16:25 NKJV] 25 “For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.
This scripture shows the disease and the cure. Trying to “save my life”, “fight for my rights”, “get her to love or respect me”, etc are all examples of the death-filled process of “trying to save my life”. It’s all from the self, fear, pride, etc.
Learning to truly give my life away FOR HIS SAKE, is what brings Jesus’ transformational and fruit-growing life & kingdom into our marriages and families.
Make your #1 priority to seek a deeper, more real, more sincere, more personal, more intimate, more frequent, more consistent, more flowing, relationship with Jesus; and you will see an increase of fruit over time. But the mindset has to be like farming. We don’t plant good seeds, and expect a harvest the next morning. It can take YEARS of sacrificial laboring, sowing, tending, watering, and weeding before the first fruitful plant grows. But if we’re doing it for HIS sake, then the eventual harvest is absolutely sure.
Some huge distractions from making a deeper relationship with Jesus your #1 priority are: Looking to your pastor to tell you what to think, thinking bible study and getting your theology/doctrines right are the same as intimacy with Jesus, believing that church attendance and tithing are what make you a good Christian, thinking that being a member of the right denomination matters, etc.
I hope many figure this out before it’s too late.